As we go through our lives we all have our dreams. Some of them are achievable, some of them not. And its important to know the difference.
My dream was to get somewhere within the infosec profession.
I didn’t always know that though.
When I started blogging back in 2006 it was purely something to do – I’d recently found myself single and the divorce took every penny I had. And then some . And so sitting at a computer, typing away, was something to do with the vast amount of spare time I suddenly had on my hands. And I enjoyed it.
As the months and years passed by I learned more and more. A couple of people I know then suggested I should consider looking for a job in infosec but I just laughed it off.
I carried on blogging and, as time went by, more people suggested it as a viable career choice. Thats when I started to dream.
It was a good dream too. I imagined the prospect of doing what I love all week long and getting paid for it too. Foolishly, I thought the dream was achievable.
I say foolishly because, as of now, I have now spent 7-8 years on this blog and gotten nowhere of course. How could I? I don’t have experience, qualifications or certifications. The dream was never achievable and never will be. I have been foolish. For all those years I have been putting full-time hours into something that no-one cares about but me.
I should have spent that time searching for a better job in retail (its what I do and do well). That may not be the most exciting work but I could have given my kids a better standard of living whilst they were growing up if I’d pushed myself, especially before the recession kicked in.
As it is, I’ve ended up being the wrong side of forty and I’m still earning only a little more than minimum wage. And this blog I’ve poured so many years into? Well, that was so successful that some 3,000 or so posts down the road and it can’t even cover its $10 per month hosting fees. What a fool I’ve been.
Now, the way things are going, each month I have to choose whether to eat every day or pay to host this site for another month… and I really am getting hungry now.
So, bar the 80 or so posts that I’ve already scheduled up, I’m going to get out of here. No more writing for me – its pointless and leading nowhere. I need to spend that money, and time, far more wisely.
I have to toss the dream away and get myself back to reality. I have to do it quickly too before I blow the chance of earning a proper wage forever.
So, for me, there will be no to very little time on Twitter and no more writing. I tried. I failed. I need to move on.
I want to thank all of you who were there on the way though – there have been literally thousands of very good interactions along the way.
I’ve met some great people too – way too many to mention them all – but a few who need to be named are:
Neira Jones, Brian Honan, Jitender Arora, Andrew Agnes and the BitDefender gang – you’ve all been so kind to me and I thank you all.
So, with that out of the way, there will be a few months of clearing out the posts I’d already written and then Adios.
Take care everyone and stay secure!