Or am I simply taking the pith?
The Mongolian orange used in our new and exciting product may be the greatest fruit in the world.
Oranges are simply loaded with vitamins, the most abundant of which is Vitamin C.
This powerful vitamin helps to protect our bodies against harmful elements.
ORANGE-ADAY (OA) is my unique concept for a new health drink.
It’s been in the planning stage for quite some time now, not because of any problems with the fruit drink though, but because I have been looking for a bribeable doctor or celebrity to endorse it.
Unfortunately, I cannot find a single soul who will put their credibility on the line (I knew I should have offered Tom Cruise more than $10), by suggesting that oranges have any benefits at all.
Oh well, setbacks are just a stepping stone to success… I’ll just have to list the benefits of ORANGE-ADAY myself –
Benefits of natural oranges
Oranges, especially my super extra special ones that only grow in the outer reaches of Mongolia, have long been known to possess mystical and, almost magical, qualities.
Local goats who have sustained themselves purely on the pith of Mongolian oranges have been known to live for as long as 3 years!
In addition to the longevity that regular drinkers may enjoy, my translator said the goats Mongolian people also claim the additional contents of this zesty citrus fruit –
- Betacarotene is a powerful antioxidant that helps protect cells from becoming damaged.
- Calcium which is known to protect and maintain the health of bones and teeth.
- Folic Acid which aids healthy brain development.
- Magnesium, useful in maintaining blood pressure.
- Potassium, which helps maintain electrolyte balance in the cells, and is important in the maintenance of a healthy cardiovascular system.
- Thiamin which is used to convert food into energy.
- Vitamin B6, known to support the production of hemoglobin which carries oxygen to all the parts of the body.
Some of the local Mongols, known to reach the ripe old age of 32, have attributed their healthy lifestyle to the Mongolian orange, used exclusively in ORANGE-ADAY.
They suggest that oranges can be beneficial in overcoming the following conditions –
- Alcohol addiction
- High blood pressure
- High cholesterol
- Prevention of kidney stones
Of course that’s not all folks.
Just drink 500 glasses of ORANGE-ADAY, every day, and you may be able to stave off cancer too.
ORANGE-ADAY is NOT available in the shops.
Instead, as much as I hate it, I’ve decided to market my new product via the pyramid model I developed last month.
After all, I really cannot see the point of letting morals or ethics get in the way of making a quick fortune.
I’m looking for like-minded distributors to join me.
At just $49.99 for a 1 Litre bottle of ORANGE-ADAY, the marks savvy purchasers will be queueing up to buy from you.
In addition to the $0.02 that you receive for each and every sale, you will also receive 50% commission on any sales made from your downline, subject to the terms detailed in my 365 page booklet, entitled ‘Exclusions, Excuses and Reasons Not To Pay’.
High status positions
If that wasn’t enough, there is also the possibility of progression within the organisation.
Suitable individuals, subject to the singular condition of paying $10,000 for an in-depth one hour training course, will be fastracked to the higher echelons of the group.
Those who excel can then pay train for higher positions.
Top distributors are known as ‘Grapes’ whilst those at the middle levels are called ‘Apples’ and ‘Pears’.
Those distributors at the bottom of our great network marketing scheme are affectionately known as ‘Lemons’.
ORANGE-ADAY is not approved by the FDA.
No health claims can be verified in any way whatsoever.
Quoted benefits and pay are for illustrative purposes only and may be withdrawn at any time and without notice.
This post is a joke, please don’t ask to become a distributor.