Nigerian Government To Bail Out Email Scammers As Profits Tumble

As the world plunges deeper into recession the effects are being felt further afield.

The latest sector of the global economy to come under pressure is that of the Nigerian email scammer, a profession that flourishes when times are good but, increasingly, falters when hard-working and dumb Americans lose their jobs.

The tightening of fiscal policy in the United States and other leading world economies has now filtered through to the African nation with the Nigerian stock exchange – the Securities, Cash And Money (S.C.A.M.) index – recording a 12% fall in stock prices last month alone.

Nigeria-bailout

GOVERNMENT INTERVENTION

The situation for the Nigerian scammers has become so dire recently that a consortium, led by Itake Dollar, has approached the government, requesting a bail-out package.

Me Conu, a spokesman for the consortium, explained that the scammers were extremely hopeful of being granted aid as their industry accounts for 92% of Nigeria’s gross domestic product (GDP) and employs the vast majority of the country’s workers on a self-employed or freelance basis.

Conu declined to make any further comment on the matter, stating that –

The details of the transaction are of a most confidential nature.

However, a government insider was more forthcoming, though he wished to remain anonymous.

The Right Honorable Kor Upt

The anonymous source said –

With consumer confidence at an all time low in Nigeria we have very little funding but realise the long-term benefits of shoring up out largest industry and exporter.

We believe a deal can be made but have asked for an advanced fee from the scammers out of which we will repay them a generous percentage in return for their discretion in this matter.

Later today the national bank is due to report on falling levels of confidence in consumer spam, leading some observers to believe that the Nigerian scam industry will need to revolutionise itself if it wishes to remain a major player in the global market.

About Lee Munson

Lee's non-technical background allows him to write about internet security in a clear way that is understandable to both IT professionals and people just like you who need simple answers to your security questions.

Comments

  1. 92% of Nigeria’s GDP?! That’s crazy! I didn’t realise that the whole country was sponsored by scammers. Well maybe I’ll consider helping them out the next time I get an email from them.

  2. lol @ some of the names you used for that 😀

  3. Michael Mason says:

    Very cleverly done sir!

  4. This is funny :)

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