It’s no secret that everyone who is in business is looking to make a good return on their investment.
In the case of identity thieves that means making money in return for the time they give up executing their crime.
After my last post I know it is difficult to recover from identity theft so I came up with several ideas for making myself a far less attractive target -
1. Get divorced
This was probably the best thing I ever did.
It doesn’t matter that I got asset stripped after 20-odd years of hard work because being broke means no-one wants to be me.
2. Stop repaying my car loan
This is a genius idea.
If I don’t make the repayments on my car loan then the finance company will be after me.
No-one in their right mind would want to steal my credit report!
3. Cancel all my investments
That’s right, investments are a sign of wealth and quite an invitation to the identity thief.
I’ll get rid of all of mine.
If I store all my money as cash under my bed then people will think I am poor.
Oh, hang on, I am.
4. Take out some more mortgages
Getting divorced was costly but one mortgage is still not enough.
A second and third mortgage are bound to play havoc with my credit rating.
The worse I can make my finances appear the better!
5. Have more children
I know, I know, it’s a couple of minutes of fun followed by years of pain but, hey, it ain’t cheap and all that child support should put those nasty id thieves off the scent.
6. Retire early
I know I look like I’m only 20 but, you know, work is a real drag.
If I quit my job I’ll surely have nothing left worth taking.
Perfect.
Now that I’m safe from identity theft I just need to learn how to avoid getting scammed again.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Ha ha, this is funny but makes a good point at the same time. Like it.
Thanks Col
I was going to say something quite negative about the silly things you say in this article until I read it all and realised it was a spoof. Thanks for brightning my day.
You mean I could have used this post as an April Fool’s joke?
This didn’y half make me chuckle
For that, I’m glad