A Pharoah’s Guide To Multi Level Marketing

The ancient Egyptians are famous for both their culture and their technological advances.

So who better than Khafre, builder of the Great Pyramid at Giza, Egypt to give us his guide to multi level marketing?

Pharoah

Here follows a summary of the points that Khafre made when I interviewed him about his mlm tips recently –

Planning

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, or at least that’s what Imhotep always told me.

The first thing to organise when building such a large and impressive structure is, quite obviously, the foundation. Without a solid product base your pyramid will come crashing down in no time.

This, of course, is where you employ spin and marketing – if you can somehow convince the people that your base is sound then they they will trust in it.

Slave labour

The other main point is that you need a large workforce.

Ten thousand slaves worked for me and there’s no reason why you can’t follow my example.

If you give them a little hope, i.e. by suggesting that their hard work will eventually lead to a little divinity, then they will bleed for you.

Cultivate

I suggest that you continually mention you affinity with Ra, or whichever god you follow – eventually your sheep will fall into your mindset as everyone feels comfortable in a cult.

Work Them Hard

Offering great rewards for hard work will motivate your workforce.

However, it should always be remembered that they are slaves. Therefore the great rewards should always be unattainable, just out of reach.

This will leave your slaves thinking that they can achieve great things if they just work that little bit harder, or discover that little secret.

Network

Spread your culture wherever you go.

For instance, I told a visiting emmisary from Mexico that my pyramid would make me rich. The dumbass believed it and went and built the Chitchen Itza, thinking that it would somehow fill his king’s coffers with gold.

In reality, the fees I charged for sending over a couple of architects were sufficient to keep my harem going for 20 years, thereby meaning I really did become rich through building my pyramid.

What a masterstroke that was.

Take The Money And Run

One day I heard one of my slaves mumble something about “you can’t take it with you when you die” and he suggested to his colleague that accumulating all this wealth was therefore a pointless exercise.

That night wife #364 and I had a good chuckle about that.

To prove a point I instructed my priests to bury the fool with me when I died so that, as he starved to death, he could see that I did in fact take the entire wealth of Egypt with me when I got bored and elevated to the heavens.

Live Forever

We all want to live forever, right?

Well get this.

By building a pyramid I achieved immortality. So famous am I that a savvy webmaster wants to interview me some 4,000 years after my death.

No-one really knows why i built my pyramid now and yet it too lives on for all time, despite being plundered by the Turks in the 15th century.

My pyramid may have crumbled and yet the masses still buy into it every day.

Now, if only I had had the foresight to invent tourism as a sideline back then….

About Lee Munson

Lee's non-technical background allows him to write about internet security in a clear way that is understandable to both IT professionals and people just like you who need simple answers to your security questions.

Comments

  1. Are you pro- or anti- mlm yourself Callum?

  2. Interesting point of view you have, especially about likening mlm to cults.

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