A Day In The Life Of A Multi Level Marketer

Today I was fortunate enough to be able to read a multi level marketer’s diary.

Here’s how a typical day looks –

6.00 am

I awoke early as I had a busy day planned.

6.10 am

I only have time for a quick shower and I have to skip breakfast again.

6.25 am

I excitedly woke my wife, Sarah, from her slumber. She didn’t actually need to get up until 8am but I wanted to share my marketing plans with her.

6.30 am

Sarah hadn’t really woken up and was mumbling something about coffee. She just doesn’t understand that we don’t have time for anything outside of our wonderful business.

Anyway, I gave her the details again, including the sales pitch. All she had to do was talk to the other moms at the school gates. A couple of hours is all it would take and I’m sure she could sign a dozen up as new recruits.

After all, our product is selling at an alarming rate. In fact, the product is so good that it sells itself.

7.00 am

I got very annoyed. Sarah wasn’t listening again.

She seemed to think that getting Zack and Zoe ready for school was far more important than listening to my great plans.

I told Sarah quite clearly that she is causing us to fail by not working the system properly.

She just shrugged her shoulders.

8.00 am

Sarah got Zack and Zoe up.

My children can be quite annoying at times, they place demands on my time but yield no profits whatsoever.

8.40 am

Another 40 minutes of my day is lost socialising with my children.

I explained in detail to them how multi level marketing will allow them to only work an hour or two a day. I went into detail about how building a residual income will allow them to avoid the grind of a real job.

They didn’t seem to understand.

They obviously inherited their brains from their dumb mother.

9.00 am

At long last I had some time to myself.

I read the newspapers to see how insecure the job market was. I laughed at the thought of my ex-friends working all day for a small pay check.

10.00 am

I found an article about the mlm I am involved in. It was less than pleasant reading.

Something about it being border line legal or something.

I summised that the journalist who wrote the article was some sort of drug taker or Communist.

If he was a proper American he would realise that we would have shut down long ago if there was any hint of wrongdoing.

Idiot!

11.00am

I went through my finances again.

I know that I need to invest more of my savings if I am to start seeing a profit from my mlm.

It is so hard to know which products to buy though – they are all so good.

Sarah had told me to slow down though. She thinks I should sell some before buying more.

I had told her she was short-sighted. I have only filled half the garage so far and need to be prepared for the sales rush.

11.10 am

I found I had $2000 left in my savings account.

I was going to buy $1000 worth of inventory until I realised that $1800 would get me a promotion.

The stock will be here tomorrow.

Zack and Zoe will have to share a bedroom so I can store it all.

I know they will understand. After all, I’m someone important now.

11.20 am

I cleared Zoe’s bedroom ready for the stock to arrive.

I found some details about a franchise opportunity that Sarah had been considering.

I told her not to be so stupid as joining my mlm was free.

The fact that I had spent $18000 on stock and $12000 on training so far was just an optional investment but one that would pay off in the long run.

12.30 pm

Sarah returned from the school murmuring something about how the other moms don’t want to talk to her any more.

Why do women over react?

I told her to shut up and asked how many new recruits she had signed up.

The emotional wreck then cried and went out, saying something about going to her mothers for a few days.

2.00 pm

I can’t believe it took me over an hour to make a sandwich.

When I make it big I will hire Sarah some help – she obviously hasn’t organised her kitchen very well.

2.10pm

My sponsor, Mike, called.

He told me about an exciting opportunity that has arisen. There is a training course in Texas that will allow me to break free of my financial shackles.

It only costs $5000 plus travel.

Mike is a great guy – when I explained I only had $200 left he arranged a loan through a financial company he’s involved in at just 65% interest per annum.

2.40pm

I was feeling really excited about this training course.

I went to phone my friends to tell them but then realised I no longer have any friends since they decided that regular jobs were more important to them than working for an opportunity where hard work is rewarded.

I went to ring my family instead but, just like yesterday, no-one answered.

I guess my line has a fault as I know they were at home.

3.30 pm

Zack and Zoe’s school rang to ask why no-one had collected them.

Where was Sarah?

I had to collect the kids.

Sometimes I really hate them.

4.00 pm

Got back home with the brats and stuck them in front of the tv.

There was a celebrity on some programme or other. I told Zack and Zoe how he was involved in my mlm.

They weren’t impressed but they should have been.

4.30 pm

Sarah called from her mothers and saidΒ  something about me being an obsessed loser.

I laughed.

She’ll love me even more next year when I’m a millionaire.

I asked her how to cook the kids dinner.

She hung up.

5.00 pm

I received a list of hot prospects from some website yesterday.

5000 people interested in my mlm and their names and telephone numbers only cost me $300.

I called them all. Most were rude.

Some were threatening, saying something about spamming laws or something.

Some people are just so short-sighted.

11.00 pm

Remembered the kids were still watching tv.

Put them to bed.

11.10 pm

Sarah called again.

Something about a divorce.

I agreed quickly.

After all, best done now when I’m broke because next year it would cost me a fortune.

11.58 pm

Went to bed.

It was a great day.

I achieved a lot and my extra stock and training will probably lead to me getting paid for the first time next month.

About Lee Munson

Lee's non-technical background allows him to write about internet security in a clear way that is understandable to both IT professionals and people just like you who need simple answers to your security questions.

Comments

  1. Annabel Martin says:

    Good. Very good. I think a lot of this could be applied to regular jobs as well but it is still funny.

  2. Alright, Scam – I come to your blog and find you flirting with another woman.

    Stop it. You know how jealous I am. πŸ˜‰

    As far as the post – it gave me a good laugh. πŸ˜€

  3. That was so funny! loved it!!

  4. “They weren’t impressed but they should have been” — That made me cry with laughter.

  5. I love mlm. You obviously hate it, but still I enjoy your posts. Thats strange isnt it?

  6. This was amusing. I know people who feel this way about non-MLM jobs. :)

  7. nice light reading! thanks for sharing!

    • You’re welcome Tom.

      BTW, nice blog you have yourself – I’ve just been looking through a few of your older posts, hoping to learn something – I’m not very good at marketing!

  8. Kirsten says:

    I’m very much pro mlm but even I chuckled at this.

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