15 Ways To Make Pyramid Profits And Get Away With It

If you have read my site for any length of time then you will be well aware that I am not a great fan of multi level marketing.

One of the reasons why is that many of them seem to bear a remarkable resemblance to pyramid schemes which everyone knows are both unethical and downright illegal.

But.

What if.

I could get away with running a pyramid scheme by staying just one step ahead of the law?

Would I do it?

pyramid-profits

Hmmmm.. if I did, here’s how, in 15 dubious steps –

#1 Non-comprehension

I would decide upon a compensation plan that was way too difficult for the average distributor to fully comprehend. (Thereby making it easy to rip the suckers off)

Of course, I would make it sound like it was easy to get rich, even though I’d be the only one who ever made good money from it.

#2 Zero Competition

I would ensure that the product my mlm was selling was offbeat. By this I mean that it would have no market competition, even if that was because there wasn’t actually any real demand for my product.

If the main ingredient comes from an Amazonian rain forest then that would be ideal as this would add at least $20 onto the retail price.

An additional side benefit of no competition would be the fact that no-one would be able to run any price or effectiveness comparisons.

#3 Is There A Doctor In The House?

I would hire a doctor (in fact anyone with a doctorate will do, even if it’s not medically based) and will pay them to find some extremely thin and barely provable links to remote but almost possible health benefits.

Then I’d get the doctor to say it cures cancer or AIDS or such like, even if it isn’t true. (I’ll be long gone with the cash by the time anyone realises the truth)

#4 Financial Freedom 2008 Inc

Next, perhaps the hardest part of all – naming the company.

Feel free to add you suggestions through the comments but, for now, I think I would go with FinancialFreedom2008 Inc.

Such a company name is pretentious beyond belief but my minions will love it and fantasise that they may actually make some money. (ha ha ha)

#5 1200%

Calculate the normal retail price of the product.

Double it.

Double it again.

Hell, triple that.

That’s better, now I can pay my distributors a few cents each time they frontload and make a big wad of cash for myself.

#6 Inflation

I would require all my distributors to sign an agreement to the effect that they all have to sell my product at the same overly inflated price.

This will ensure that there are never any price-cutting battles going on, thereby guaranteeing my huge profits.

Who cares if cartels are illegal, we have a legitimate product here, in high demand, so I’m sure we’ll get away with it.

#7 No Lies Here

The next stage in the process has to be the propaganda.

Oops, I mean training and induction package.

The challenge here, I think, will be to create some buzz about my useless product without letting on that it’s useless.

I’ll promise that distributors who get in early will profit the most as they will climb the pyramid of success quicker than the latecomers.

I’ll also throw in the usual stuff, you know, residual incomes, financial freedom, yachts, women, all that sort of thing. (If they are coming from another mlm then they will already have been brainwashed into believing this rubbish. Cool!)

#8 Compensation

Step 8 is to iron out the details of the compensation plan.

I was trying to think of some creative accounting procedures to hide how I make all the money, but then I thought why bother?

Instead, I’m sure I can come to some ‘arrangements’ with anyone who asks too many questions.

#9 Buy, Buy, Buy

I’m going to have to require that all my new distributors load up on inventory (it’s the only way for me to profit because I know they won’t actually sell it).

If anyone snoops around too much then I may ask that they sell 70% of their inventory to at least 10 members of their family in order to stay legal.

Hopefully, that won’t be necessary though.

#10 MLM Fanboys

Now it’s time for the starter kit.

In reality this will be a fairly worthless piece of junk but who cares? (I don’t, because the mlm fanboys are going to be paying me top dollar for it).

#11 Spamming

Time now to read up on website promotion and spamming techniques.

If I hang around the usual sites and forums then I’m sure I can get the message out.

After all, who amongst the network marketers could resist the opportunity to be first in the door with this exciting new opportunity?

#12 You Are Feeling Very Sleepy

The next thing I would do is hire a motivational speaker to train the poor fools.

Add in a bit of psychology and I’ll have them believing whatever I tell them in no time.

#13 Got The T-shirt

Time now to set up the lucrative (for me) sidelines –

  • training courses
  • seminars
  • their own websites
  • Financial Freedom 2008 Inc lunchbox

and anything else I can convince them to waste their money on.

After all, if they want to be successful then they have to act successful and that means blindly following wherever I lead them.

#14 What’s The Weather Like In The Caribbean?

Offshore account time.

Personally, I think I’ve thought this through quite well.

I even have a slush fund planned in case I need it for bribes.

Then again, my mother always told me to plan for the unexpected so a nice account in the Caymen Islands should act as insurance should I ever need to leave in a hurry.

#15 Generosity

When the money comes in I’m going to be generous with it.

I’ll be sure to make many donations – Attorney Generals, Governors, medical establishments, the local Better Business Bureau and a whole range of investigatory bodies do a sterling job and deserve to be recognised 😉

If you were to run a pyramid scheme, how would you do it differently?

About Lee Munson

Lee's non-technical background allows him to write about internet security in a clear way that is understandable to both IT professionals and people just like you who need simple answers to your security questions.

Comments

  1. Claire Gouge says:

    A nice tongue in cheek look at network marketing. Ironically, it rings so very true.

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  1. […] One of the most often aired criticisms is that multi level marketing tends to legitimise what is otherwise nothing more than an illegal pyramid scheme. […]

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