Host Unknown – a humble apology

Back in April 2014 I wrote a scathing review of Host Unknown and its efforts to merge the worlds of InfoSec professionalism and rap culture.

I said at the time that video expert and well-known superstar Javvad Malik was being held back by wannabes Thom Langford and Andrew Agnes whose hammy acting was probably best left to the privacy of their own homes.

And preferably when not even their own family members were watching.

Of course, anyone who took the time to read the entire post would have realised that I was in fact joking – I loved the video really, especially as I had an inkling that producing such a work of art is not a particularly easy task.

And so it was, with much trepidation, that I accepted an invitation to appear as an ‘extra’ in the trio’s latest production.

My remit, or so I thought, was to merely turn up in a white shirt and black tie and lurk in the background, well away from the camera’s gaze.

In fact, the only thing I had to remember to do was turn my iPod off so as not to disturb proceedings.

But, alas, even that was a fail as you can see from Thom’s reaction to Van Halen echoing out from my suit pocket during one take:


But it got worse.

Either because of a shortage of extras, or some perverse need to exact revenge for my dismay at his “wooden” acting last time around, Thom roped me into actually performing, albeit very much in a supporting capacity.

And boy was it hard – so much to remember, so much co-ordination required.

One hundred and three takes later and Thom had somehow regained his composure (he truly is a professional) but my performance was starting to get to the other stars, as you can see from Andy’s reaction below:


Even the normally unflappable Javvad became agitated by my efforts.

If Thom’s performance last year conjured up images of an oak tree, mine painted a picture of the entire Amazon rainforest, which may go some way to explain why Mr Malik’s arms ended up around my neck.



But all’s well that ends well…

After ejecting me from the set, the masters returned to work and cracked on without any kind of distraction whatsoever –

Hard Life

– pausing only occasionally to sign autographs for the growing crowd of onlookers who were keen to bask in their glory.


And, for those of you who weren’t there, the wait will soon be over… the next Host Unknown music video is currently in post-production and expected to land on a YouTube channel near you in just a few weeks time.

As for me… I’ve realised that everything I wrote last year was totally unfair – this acting malarkey isn’t as easy as it looks and is best left to the experts.

And so, as per the title, all that’s left for me to say is…


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